Chapter 15 - The custody evaluator
Family court appointed Dr. Robert Hayes as custody evaluator.
No surname collisions.
Good.
He interviewed:
Me.
Lucas.
Children separately and appropriately.
Supervisors.
Therapists.
School staff.
No one asked Sophie:
“Who do you choose?”
No one asked Owen to interpret adult motives.
Then Lucas.
He admitted:
Inviting Valerie was a terrible decision.
Keeping children in kitchen was deliberate.
Disabling camera was deliberate.
Recording me was deliberate.
Goal:
Document my reaction.
Did he expect violence?
“No.”
Did he expect shouting?
“Yes.”
Did he think children should witness?
“At the time, I thought it would show whether Mara could control herself.”
Dr. Hayes wrote.
Then:
“Why did your spouse need to demonstrate emotional control while confronting your mistress?”
Lucas had no good answer.
Then me.
Had I ever screamed at Lucas?
Yes.
Thrown objects?
Once.
A throw pillow.
Not dangerous.
Had I insulted him?
Yes.
Called Valerie names?
Privately, yes.
Had I threatened to keep children from him after discovering affair?
I had texted:
If you bring her near my kids, I swear you’ll never see them again.
Bad.
Emotion.
Not legal plan.
Lucas produced it.
I owned it.
Dr. Hayes asked:
“Do you currently believe Lucas should never see children?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because anger isn’t a parenting plan.”
That was something Andrea taught me.
Then report.
Interim recommendation:
Children remain primarily with me.
Lucas progresses from professional supervision to unsupervised daytime contact if he completes parenting/DV-adjacent accountability program and continues no-contact with Valerie around children.
No overnights yet.
Why?
Recent severe judgment failure.
High conflict.
Home transition.
Not permanent.
Major decisions temporarily shared in limited areas with structured app, except therapy/provider changes require agreement or court.
Mara? I had already temporary sole medical. Evaluator recommended gradual joint information, not immediate full joint authority.
No Valerie contact.
No using children as witnesses.
No recording for litigation.
No disparagement.
No secret relationship introductions.
Reasonable.
May you like
Lucas objected to no overnights.
Court kept it for now.
